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Have you got news/articles for us? We welcome news stories and articles from security experts, intelligence analysts, industry players, security correspondents in the main stream media and our numerous readers across the globe.

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The Forum will feature security officers to be addressed here simply as plebeians or plebs. They will be voicing their comments on current affairs, national and international issues in a witty and hilarious manner.

News: ‘Professor’ Ed Miliband to launch his new book Monday

Enter:

1st Plebeian:  Will you attend the launch and autographing?

2nd Plebeian:  ‘Don’t attend a book launch whose title I don’t know.

1st Plebeian: The title of the book is Osbornomics

2nd Pleb: What are its thematic preoccupations?

1st Pleb: Growing the economy by piling up more debts

  • Egalitarianism & Social Mobility – Raid the poor and make the rich richer…give that which thou raided from the poor to the rich.
  • Wealth redistribution by cutting without commonsense.
  • Immigration Control – Make an ugly scarecrow to scare away Romanians and the poles.
  • To be tough on crime – Get more and more bobbies off the streets of Britain.
  • To encourage foreign direct investment – Make a passage to India and embrace Sikhism.
  • The art and science of good governance is by public relations, endless U-turns and adoption of Cleggian folly.

News: Horsegate engulfs whole Britain

Enter:

1st Pleb: It appears this horse matter is not destined to go away.

2nd Pleb: Not at all. This is what I call open horseracing.

1st Pleb: It then means everybody is horseracing!

 

News: Philippine now empty as nationals head for Britain in droves

Enter:

1st Pleb: I hear Philippine is now empty courtesy of the Duke of Edinburgh?

2nd Pleb: Yea. They are trooping to Britain Now to put her House of Slaughter in order.

 

News: Author shamed for “plastic Princess” rant

Enter:

1st Pleb: Until Very recently, I had thought there was free speech in Britain.

2nd Pleb: Not when it concerns the untouchables and the infallibles-the Royal Family.

1st Pleb: It means the British media were gagging Mantel for her mantelianism against the “plastic Princess.”

2nd Pleb: So what were they defending then?

1st Pleb: Ask Lord Leveson!

News: Tory candidate makes U-turn…fails to turn up at the giant corporation’s scheduled interview

Enter:

1st Pleb: The Badly Behaved Corporation behaved badly to the Tories

2nd Pleb: No! They just wouldn’t tolerate the Badly Behaved Candidate of the Tories.

 

News: Prince Philip in immigration sarcasm

Enter:

1st Pleb:  I don’t always like the Duke of Edinburgh’s often dirty and politically insensitive jokes.

2nd Pleb: Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.

1st Pleb: It’s nebo quo no ha bi, then.

News: Pope Benedict XVI steps aside to let in strong, virile younger Pope

Enter:

1st Pleb: Any news yet from B’ham?

2nd Pleb: Time for the Prince of Wales to embark on news famine.

 

News: Boss of Iceland shuns cheap foods like plague

Enter:

1st Pleb: He’s never read or heard about the Golden Rule.

2nd Pleb: No wonder, he’s selling ‘rubbish’ to the British public…the ‘rubbish’ he cannot deign to eat.

1st Pleb: The next time you‘re in Iceland…

2nd Pleb: Ne’er again! I’d rather go to Horseland to do my shopping

 

News: More than a 1000 patients die at Mid Staffs

Enter:

1st Pleb: But NHS is supposed to be the best of British?

2nd Pleb: That was then. It’s Now House of Slaughter!

 

News: Lover Boy Prince shows off his new girl skiing

Enter:

1st Pleb: Not sure Prince Harry has heard about the Socratic dictum: Know thyself.

2nd Pleb: Why?

1st Pleb: Methinks he’s a young man who does not know himself.

2nd Pleb: Why do you think so?

1st Pleb: He told the world he’s three in one...

  • Harry the Prince
  • Harry the combatant
  • Harry the private person.

.2nd Pleb: Aren’t all these who he is then?

1st Pleb: No! He’s more. In my dissection of him I found him to be four in one! He didn’t tell the world about Harry the Lover Boy.

 

News: Moody downgrades Britain’s Triple-A rating

Enter:

1st Pleb: Stop being moody

2nd Pleb: Why? This is the time to be moody in Britain.

1st Pleb: Moody has just downgraded Britain’s Triple-A rating.

1st Pleb: Ne’er mind. It’s just a feel good exercise for Moody to get a temporary relief from being always Moody.

 

News: Coalition gang clueless about taking British economy to the next level

Enter:

1st Pleb: It means Osbornomics is not working.

2nd Pleb: Nor Cameronics.

1st Pleb: Nor Cleggonomics.

2nd Pleb: Nor Mervynism…Q.E. and all that.

1st Pleb: Then it’s time to make a U-turn from debt growing to growing the economy.

2nd Pleb: Over to Ed Ball!

1st Pleb: And to Ed Miliband too!

 

News: Hard times bite hard in Britain

Enter:

1st Pleb: I don’t think I can cope in these difficult times. My Landlord just chucked me out and rendered me homeless.

2nd Pleb: In David Cameron’s Britain, life’s cruel, “short”, “solitary “and “brutish”…but not to worry, get yourself a woman who will ‘manufacture’ you eleven children for a six-bedroom mansion.

 

News: Nick Clegg finally owns up to knowing about Romeogate!

Enter:

1st Pleb: Another U-turn people!

2nd Pleb: Partial U-turn! Partial U-turn! Monsieur Clegg says he does not know about the specifics of the playboygate